Nothing Short of Lovely.

You're nothing short of lovey. Your are the dawn of my happiness. It's so simple to trip over your smile and fall right into the deep valley of your beautiful personality. Your eyes, they mesmerize. Your dreamy voice keeps me hypnotized. Is it wrong to feel jealous that people like you exist? 

You make me laugh no matter what kind of situation I'm in and I wish that you live forever in my life. You're the reason I love losing sleep. You're the reason I look down at my phone, and smile; then walk into a wall. I am glad we became friends. You're one of my favorite people. I'm so incredibly thankful for having you in my life

Morning to evening, the whole night and times other than these I wish, I desire, I dream to see you smile always and forever.

The first 10000 Photographs.

“Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.”

― Henri Cartier-Bresson

Thanks to digital media taking and sharing photographs has become part of our daily life. Unlike in the old times, when we were saving the precious film for very special moments, and were careful to pick a deserving occasion to snap our cameras, nowadays creating hundreds of snapshots is not reserved for professional photographers only. We all can do it. And because we can, this is precisely what we are doing.

You cannot walk along any street today without seeing at least one person aiming their camera or cellphone camera to take a photo. During important (and unimportant) events, we are often present only through the lens, trying to capture the best image and captivate the moment. Sometimes it seems that we are not there to enjoy it, but just to make sure that we have photographic evidence that we were there.

However, if I look back to the time when nothing was digital and instantaneous, our photographs had a different life and meaning. They were much more personal and we shared them with very few people. We would proudly show our albums to our distinguished guests and spend intimate family moments looking through them, remembering past holidays, important milestones and celebrations. We kept them and cherished them. Through them our memories got color and detail. We cared if we looked good on them, but not too much. We knew that it was just an instant and that it did not matter that our eyes were sometimes closed. What mattered is that we were there.

If I compare it to the present time, the way we use photographs has changed in so many ways. Because of the possibility to share them with a larger audience, our photographic creativity has grown. More people take artistic shots and it is definitely a plus. But if I look at our modest personal snapshots, we are often handling them in a similar way we handle junk food: for fast, instantaneous gratification: we snap, share, wait for the affirmation and snap again. We take thousands of them and delete thousands of them. We store them, lose them and forget them. There is sometimes so many photographs taken on the same event that we never have the time to go through them.

Imitating professional magazines, we often try to emulate their constructions, by posing, and trying stubbornly to get that perfect shot in which we look like cover models. Knowing that some of the photos may be shared, we are forgetting to just be, because we think we need to be our best. The photographs stop being preserved memories, they are becoming constructions of ourselves and the events that we took part in.

All this makes me think about the way our children will look at the thousands of photos we have taken of them, when they are grown. Will they be as precious to them as our own black and white printed photographs are to us? Or will they be too busy photographing their own lives to ever sit and look back?

“A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you the less you know.”

― Diane Arbus

How to pass an exam without studying.

I was chatting on Facebook the other day with a “friend” (you know how you get a friend request and you just accept it even though you don’t know the person). She was trying to do two things at once; studying and Facebooking  spending time on Facebook. Well I got news for you... It’s not impossible! Matter of fact, you don’t even have to study.                                 
The “good Mantrian” in me finally thought this out:  Why not help all those frustrated students all over the world? 



Mental transformation - It’s all in the mind. Say it with me, “It’s all in the mind... It’s all in the mind”. Whenever we are out having fun on weekends I always tell my friends that if you want to be a great dancer, all you have do is try to nod your head in rhythm with the music beats, once you get that right every other body part would automatically follow. The same with planning to pass an exam without studying  all you have to do is tell yourself that you are a genius and that you can do it and you are good to go. I did that once in college, guess what I got 0.4 out of 10 (c’mon now, it was C+ programming)


Eat healthy - A healthy diet, a healthy body, a healthy mind. You wouldn't wanna go into the exam room starving or constipated or even worse with diarrhea right? Farting in an exam room would only make the examiner mad at you; in fact it would make the people seated next to you, mad at you. So eat carefully.


Take a good night’s sleep - The bible says, “Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we die”. A lot of centuries passed and a great soldier named Ernesto Che Guevara said the same words to his fellow soldiers before a battle, “Eat, drink and have merry; for tomorrow we perish”. Now unlike the bible or Che Guevara, you should understand that you aren't going die tomorrow, it’s just an Exam that you are trying to pass without studying... so don’t drink or have merry. Instead go sleep and ease your mind.


Avoid Pessimists - You know those students that always see negativity in everything? They like calling themselves realists; well it’s that kind of thinking that could make you fail that exam. The thing about Pessimism is that it is very contagious (spreads like a fucking plague). So stay away from people that keep saying, ‘this exam is gonna be difficult’ or ‘if you don’t study, you’ll fail’ instead, hang out with folks that say ‘do you know that (x times x) X x X is triple X?’ 

Have a backup plan - 4 years ago, some friends of mine went to a party and ate so much food (just because it was free) that their stomachs started to ache. Unfortunately, water was missing in toilet. Well, to make a short story long, they improvised and used their socks to wipe the shit off. NASTY huh?I don’t think so… that was like the brilliant backup plan ever! Just like Bear Grylls. So go into the exam room with a backup plan (I didn't use the word ‘CHEAT’ ey?)


So there you go: How to pass an exam without studying. Thank me later.

Disclaimer (for those people that would wanna sue me or use this as an explanation as, why they failed):  This process might not work for everybody. Just like any medicine, this one has side effects too.

Wait wait, one thing I’m curious about though: If you had time to read this blog post, why didn’t you have time to study?

Tell me things I wanna hear.

Let me introduce you to a very good friend of mine, Pauly Bindra the Octopus (*Note: He's NOT Paul the Octopus). Pauly has a special power. He's psychic. Someone who can predict the future! Who won unlikely worldwide fame by predicting the outcome of all the matches at the 2010 Football World Cup. He's mystic powers have earned him a lot of fans, friends and enemies alike.

So I decided to ask him something about my future. So here're some questions I asked him.

....And he's dead now.

RIP Pauly Bindra.

The Perfect Size.

How many of you fellas out there ever bought your girlfriend/wife panties? Anyone? NO?

One of my friend told me that he's going to gift a panty to his girlfriend on the Valentine's day. And I was like "Panty?? Seriously dude you deserve my salute, a middle finger salute "

Okay!! The point is, buying panties for her is so romantic in her point of view which is all good considering the fact that you are supposed to make her feel that way; special and shit. 

But back to reality, an important issue struck my mind; choosing the right size could be a major problem. And most of the girls tend to get mad when you don't get one that fits them right. Complaints like, "We've been together all this time and you don't even know which size I wear?" (Woman! I don't even know which size I wear!). Which will later lead to discussions with her BFFs talking about 'How the small things you do matter'... blah blah blah.

That's why I came to the conclusion that I'll buy my future partner panties accompanied with a list of other things;

•  Pair of scissors
•  Sewing thread
•  Needle
•  A tape Measure

(One more thing, Don't buy her Thongs or G-strings. Adjusting those is gonna need a real tailor)

Now the gift packing is always important. Ask the person at the store to do the packing for you, no matter how good you think you are at packing gifts you won't do it right. Remind them to put that lil red ribbon on top.

Give her the gift and let her try it on. Now, Three scenarios would be there; Either, it's too big for her OR it's too small for her OR if you are lucky enough, a Perfect fit. The third scenario never happens.

If scenario 1 happens, use the scissor, thread and needle to do the reduction. If scenario 2 happens, look for a pair of socks that you do not use, cut out a piece add it onto the small underwear and she's good to go.

An even better option, drop the freaking idea of gifting her underwear and go buy her another gift. Fair and square.

Your Blue Eyes And My Black Heart.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of being a good friend. To be honest, I don't think I can ever be. Never was, never will. It's not like friends don't mean anything to me. It's just that I couldn't bring myself to care more than I would. It's not like I don't need them. It's just that I can live without them.

I didn't know friendship would be so exhausting. For once I just want things to not be so annoying and complicated but I always ended up with such shitty people. Maybe they don't get me, maybe they annoy the fuck out of me or maybe it's just me. I know it's just me. I'm the problematic one. For god's sake, maybe I should just learn how to fucking have a heart for real this time.

Or maybe it's time for me to just get out of this mess and start living in my own world.

Streetlights.

I've always found streetlights strangely beautiful.

I'm sure more people would, if only they took the time to look up. We often ignore what our eyes can't see, but then again, you can't ignore what your eyes never know. 

Bright, like candles hanging in midair above the terraces and ever changing colours of the traffic lights below. Above the green go, amber slow, red no, they stand stationary waiting for the light to break the dusk. 

Nothing but still, watching the blur of headlights. Silent and static amidst the chaos. It's a sight to look up and see this luminescence framed by some vast expanse of dark and stars flickering softly in the background. "Turn your head up" is all they'd ever ask if they could speak. Politely, of course.

Emptiness

It sucks not to have that one good friend who's always there beside you at school. It sucks not to have those friends who's always proud of your achievements and believe that you can do better. It really sucks. I always have that moment where I simply close my eyes, recalling all the memories that I used to share with my closed friends. I can feel their absence. I can picture their smile. And I can hear their voices of laughter, slowly killing me from the inside. A part of me just got weaken everytime I wish they were here with me. So I will force myself to open my eyes, to get my feet on the ground, because there's no more that one person who would remind me not to take advantage of everything that I have now. After all those loneliness I have to face, those days where I end up crying because I feel like I couldn't turn to anybody and those times where I choose not depend on anybody else, I actually learn something form it; I've learn to be independent. 

And I manage to live in the emptiness of being alone.

Football conversation with a colleague.

(Setting: My office. A football game plays on the television.)

Colleague: How ‘bout Chelsea?

Me: It's a football team.

That’s it. That was the entire conversation.

I can’t talk about football with any knowledge or passion. I don’t have football opinions. I can just recite broad facts, and at that moment the best I could do was, “Chelsea is a football team.”

After our ultra-manly football chat I think he just kinda walked away while I pretended to sip from a can of Pepsi that’d probably been empty for several minutes at that point.

I would freak the fuck out if I saw that thing walking up my stairs.

This is the best unintentionally horrifying video I’ve seen in a long time. There’s hardly a second in this video that isn’t deeply disturbing.


Here are some highlights:


0:01: One second in, and this person clearly has no concept of where Minnie’s head is facing. Also, why is this video being shot in a staircase?


0:03: The balloons aren’t filled with helium so when this person waves, they’re really just waving around a bunch of sad balloons. It’s like they forgot they were holding balloons in the first place.


0:06: Why did the person in the Minnie costume walk up the steps and then down them? Was there someone off-camera shooing them down the steps and whispering, “You know you can’t leave the basement! Get down there!”? Is this person being forced to wear the Minnie Mouse costume?


0:11: If this is a happy birthday video for one kid, then why did she just say hello to five different kids?


0:22: You know that time Jitendra sang “Happy Birthday” to Babita and it was tolerable? This is the opposite of that.


0:28: Another clumsy balloon wave. The fact that she(?) is crammed into a staircase makes it even more depressing.


0:36: This is apparently a video for someone named Aaron Gonzaga, but that sign definitely says “HAPPY BIRTHDAY 3 TODAY AARON GONZARA.” It makes an otherwise desperate video look strangely insincere. If you’re going to force a sad person to wear a Minnie Mouse costume and sing to some kid over the Internet, at least give them an accurate sign.


0:45: The pitch of her voice combined with that little shimmy move makes me wonder if maybe this whole video is some kind of D-garde art performance and we’re just not in on it. Or maybe this video’s some kind of horrible crime footage? Who knows? That’s art for ya!


0:47 Why did she just violently shake the balloons like that? That actually looked kinda menacing. “See these limp balloons? Well, I’m shakin’ ‘em! And they’re YOU!”


0:55: Not realizing where her head is pointing, Minnie Mouse appears to be talking to the floor now.


1:00: That is the most terrifying giggle I have ever heard.


1:15: She just called herself Mickey Mouse. She is in a Minnie Mouse costume.


1:22: She appears to have run out of things to say and is just clapping and repeating “Happy Birthday, Aaron” until the person with the camera mercifully stops filming.


1:32: “See you soon in Disneyland” sounds like a weird plea when it comes from an adult shouting up at you from a staircase.


Sorry about the nightmares, everyone!

Just one of those nights.

Just one of those nights


Can sleep, but choose not to.


Rather stay up late, and wait for something.


Something that will never come. 


But my head keeps telling me to wait anyway.


Maybe I should start listening to my heart.


As soon as I find it. 

Idiot should be a culture.

Go to any news channel these days and you see, they flash their stories into astons or tabs. You have main, sports, business, all the important stuff that people need to know. But very few do.


Then there's showbiz. You wonder, what does showbiz have to do with the world? I would imagine we can live in a world without one. But then, we wouldn't have the opportunity to enjoy the works of say, SRK, Amithabh or any other great 'A' list actors. Fair enough.


But that's not what the headlines there really tell you is it?


A recent visit to the Indian news channel inclined me to pen (PEN?) this phenomenon. Some of the headlines include:


"Mika-Rakhi Sawant patch up 'yet again'."


"Priyanka taken to Hospital with Flu"

Even CNN IBN:


"Beti B has been rechristened Bitiya for now, she looks a lot like Ash, and the Bachchan's dog is jealous of her"


I'm not bashing these specific news channels. Don't get me wrong. Please don't sue me with defamation.


Are these stories really necessary for the general public? What is our obsession with beautiful people that we need to know about Rakhi Sawant patch up, even though that is a source of endless humour. Two stupid people getting together and that's what you get, really. Amazing.


This really, is what the world has come to. That Priyanka has got a simple flu is newsworthy is quite stunning.


I should get off my high horse and remind myself that I too, sometimes enjoy these fluff pieces. It's a welcome relief to the seriousness of reality, but really, it isn't a necessity at all.


The money that these people are paid to look beautiful is also quite amazing actually. Granted if it's something they've worked for, they deserve paycheques that have the same number of zeros as the number of germs underneath my shoe.


But Rakhi Sawant? Really?


A really big ass, two failed relationships and a slightly dysfunctional family. I'd say she's not worth the amount she's paid. If she were a pornstar actually, the money she gets would probably be deserved, but not for whatever important work she's done.


In fact, I really cannot recall anything that she has been involved in. Couple of failed item numbers? 'B' grade Movie?


Perhaps it isn't really her fault for cashing in on her fame. It really is our fault, society. We're so obsessed with their antics that fan the flame of their popularity. The media is driven by demand, and we demand that someone tell us the dating history of Ranbir Kapoor.


Perhaps it's the fame that we really crave.


And sadly so.


It's a weird world out there, and I'm part of it.

The Scientist.

Do you remember the last time you were truly happy?


I do. But that was a long time ago. Things change when you grow up. I remember saying to someone that you tend to laugh less as you get older. It's true. Don't you remember when you were still in kindergarden? And you used to laugh every second of the day. We used to paint colourful pictures back then with our crayons. Most of us drew our family holding hands together with a big sun in the background. Yes, those were the best of times. When we were carefree. Nothing to worry about in life. We always got what we wanted back then. If not, we'd cry and throw a tantrum till someone gave us what we wanted.


Life's not like that anymore. You can cry, or even throw a fit, but it doesn't always go your way. Yes, no matter how many tears you let out, some things will just never change. But hey, nobody ever said it was easy. You just got to take it on the chin and move on with life. Everything happens for a reason. For every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. At least that's what it says in the books.

Reasons Why I Hate Sachin Pilgaonkar

He sucks
He dances like a girl
He is ugly like a tomato that is old and rotten
He is a lame actor with lame movies
He's gay
He is too botoxed
He's really short and has to sit on a Oxford Dictionary to drive
He sucks in singing. His songs damaged my eardrums, left and right
He is overrated
He tries to act, sing and dance like a pro. But the fact is he can't really act, sing or dance
He has a 'Retard' sign on his forehead. I saw it!
He nicknamed himself as MAHAGURU (Mahaguru? My arse)
He compares himself with Kishore Kumar
He thinks no end of himself
He's actually bald and he just wears a weird wig


So there you have it. My reasons for hating Mr. Sachin Pilgaonkar. Now run along before I go madly insane.

Years Pass By And Only Memories Are Left Behind.

Another year has passed. It sucks that 2011's already ending. I was just getting used to it. What can I say about 2011? It's been one hell of a ride for me. Ups and downs, but mostly downs for me. Lost my brand new iPhone, lost my bicycle, someone stole my father's bike, jewellery went missing from home. Nonetheless it has been a year of learning for me. I have gained a lot of experience to carry with me in 2012 and the years to follow. I can't say I enjoyed it too much, but at times when I did I felt like I was on top of the world. 


Like any other year, I don't have any new year's resolutions bullshit. I don't believe in these kind of stuff honestly. I do look forward to 2012, whether the world is gonna end in 12 months time we'll have to wait and see. But I want this year to be the year of travelling. I want it to be full of adventure if possible. So if the world does end, I'll have no regrets. I'm gonna live it as if the world is gonna end. 


I have a feeling after a year of disappointment, 2012 will be good to me. If there's one thing I have learnt in 2011 is that nothing ever goes as planned. And it's better to keep quiet 99% of the time. And the world is not what you think it is.. Okay, that's more than one thing, but like I said I have learnt a lot. Maybe we can meet up one day and I'll tell you what I've been through. 


I just wanna wish everyone a happy new year and I hope it turns out to be a great year for everyone.

Eat, pray, live, laugh, love.

Is It Right To Stare At A Woman's Rear?

Women are such beautiful creatures. When I said they're beautiful I mean physical beauty. It is said that the creator spent a lot of time in designing the shape of a woman that he had to create man first, give him life then continue with designing of a woman. Their beautiful faces, their soft skin and their sweet voices but most of all their body morphology. But let me not talk that much about that and go back to what I actually wanted to write.




Is it right to stare at a woman's rear?  ... YES ... NO... YES..

I think the right answer would be "SOMETIMES". Majority of you might disagree, but please just let me say what I've got to say and you can say what you want to say by posting a comment, deal? 


When I was in a bus last week, something happened. There was only one seat available, when a woman with quite a big 'behind' entered. There was no way possible that she could fit in the seat available so she decided to stand. Now most bus conductors don't like it when passengers stand. They normally say "Basun Ghya. Nahi Tar Pudhe Chala" --That is "Sit or Move". The conductor turned and was about to tell the lady to sit on the remaining seat, but by looking at the huge package that the woman had, he stared for  while... swallowed so much saliva at once and turned back.


That's when I got the answer for the question I asked. "SOMETIMES, it's alright to stare" Staring is actually looking at something with fixed eyes. The conductor had to calculate the size of the woman's rear and calculate the size of the available seat, then his brain calculator must have brought an ERROR. So he just turned back. But how can I answer the question basing on only one scenario? OK here's another..




Now I'll ask the question one more time, Is it right to stare at a woman's rear?

And you know the answer now... SOMETIMES.

"Four Things" About Me.

Four jobs I have had:
1. Director of Dinnerware Sanitation and Distribution (i.e. Dishwasher)

2. Senior Target Deployment Specialist (i.e. Call Center Executive)

3. Advanced Concrete Placement Coordinator (i.e. Laborer at a precast concrete company. I say "Adavanced" because I spoke English and could use a tape measure)

4. Compliant Data Mining Technician (i.e. data entry slave at some data processing company)

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Rang De Basanti
2. 3 Idiots
3. Dumb and Dumber
4. Deshdrohi

Four places I have lived: 
1. B/302.
2. B/302, Gopchar.
3. B/302, Gopchar, Dr. Annie Besant Road.
4. B/302, Gopchar, Dr. Annie Besant Road, Worli, Mumbai-400018.

Four places I have vacationed:
1. Lonavla (age 10)
2. Mahabaleshwar (Bought a fake Rolex. I was 15)
3. Mangalore (age 23)
4. Alibaug 

Four people I hate the most:
1. Sachin Pilgaonkar
2. Sachin Pilgaonkar
3. Sachin Pilgaonkar
4. And you too. 

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Royal Doulton
2. Bohemian Crystal
3. Waterford
4. Chinet 

Oh wait, not Dishes, "Dishes":
1. Paani Puri (I think Paani-Puri should be declared as a national food of India.) 
2. Pav Bhaji.
3. Varan Bhaat ani Batatyachi Bhaji.
4. ANYTHING made with chicken.

Four sites I visit (almost) daily:
1. Google (With Safe Search OFF)
2. Twitter
3. Olx
4. Blogger (I'm the kind of guy who refreshes his own blog page so it looks like more people have viewed it.)

Four TV shows I love:
1. Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi
2. Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki
3. Balika Vadhu
4. Naa Aana Iss Des Laado

Four Cartoon shows I love:
1. Tom And Jerry
2. Oggy And The Cockroaches(Hindi Version)
3. Duck Tales
4. Spongebob Squarepants

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
1. In bed.
2. In bed asleep.
3. In bed asleep laying next to my imaginary girlfriend.
4. In bed asleep laying next to my imaginary girlfriend without my imaginary dog and he's outstretched legs jabbing into my back.

Some Funny Facts

I got this email and was hilarious so thought of sharing it.


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. 
 (Hardly seems worth it.) 


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !) 


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.    (O..M.G.!) 


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. 
        (In my next life, I want to be a pig..) 


A cockroach will live nine days without it's head before it starves to death.    (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.) 


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work) 


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?) 


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) 


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) 


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) 


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.) 


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. 
 (Hmmmmmm...... not the guy's???) 


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) 


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing) 


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.) 


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.) 


Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.) 


Polar bears are left-handed. 
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) 


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??) 

Life In A Metro.

 The streetlights are our stars, forming constellations above our heads as we inhale fumes and cigarette smoke. 


Beggars lie across stained streets marked with cracks, gaps, and the remnants of old chewing gum and cigarette butts. If you focus hard enough, you might just catch the gleam of unwanted pennies that litter the floor like dust gathering along car dashboards. The homeless seem at peace though, and how could they not be. Staring up with their backs to the ground, there's nothing to do but confuse the city lights for the stars that shine behind them. 




The universe can only fade into the background.

Moments When Facebook Told Me That People Don’t Change.

1) The Sometimes Friend

I went to school with a dude named Baban(Imaginary Name). Baban was odd in that he’d be your friend one week, and the next he wouldn’t talk to you. By middle school, he’d moved away. Up until then, I thought Baban’s behavior was specific to me until a friend said, “Remember Baban? That dude was a total fairweather friend.” Others agreed. Baban was weird like that with everyone, apparently.

So when he sent me a friend request on Facebook a couple years ago - nearly a half decade later - I accepted. Whatever, dude. Water under the bridge, right? Good to be Internet friends with you. Can’t wait to go through your vacation photos for no reason.

According to Facebook, his girlfriend went to the same college as me and she was a good friend of mine, so it’s possible he found me because she and I were in the same network. Apparently, he was going to another college nearby. Weeks had passed since he added me, so one day I figured I’d send him a message and ask if he was ever in town. If he’s around, then why not get a coffee or something, right?

But then I couldn’t get to his profile to send him a message. Because he had unfriended me.

For no reason, I’d guess. We hadn’t even corresponded with each other yet. Disappointing, but not surprising, I guess. Should’ve seen it coming.

2) Social Makeup Girl

I used to work with a girl named Shoorpanakha(Once Again An Imaginary Name. Actually, I'm quite good in this naming thing). Shoorpanakha was pretty, and hung with the popular crowd. She always wore makeup to the point where you noticed, “hey, she’s wearing makeup,” but she was nice. She was quiet, but I got the idea she might be party girl outside the office. (Isn’t that what you assume the popular crowd does outside the office? Go to drunken parties all the time?) I don’t think she was necessarily a shallow person, but my interactions with her were always short and polite, lacking any real substance, and I was cool with that.

Flash forward 4 years later, and she’s sending me a Facebook friend request. And guess what? We have over 55 friends in common. Over fifty-five! Wow! You’d think we were good friends, given that number! Whoa!

I click through to her profile pictures and in a few of them, she’s wearing so much makeup she kinda looks like The Joker. (But, like, a sexy, partying Joker? Is that a thing?) Either way, nobody in the last 4 years had sat her down and told her that the point of makeup isn’t for people to think “Wow, she’s wearing a lot of makeup!” But whatever. My point is, the weird  makeup thing was not an office phase. It was a lifestyle, apparently.

And, while I don’t think that a Facebook friendship is a sacred bond built on trust and mutual admiration, I still think it’s a kind of a dick move to send out friend requests to everyone you vaguely recognize. So, imagine how pleasantly surprised I was when Shoorpanakha had included a personal message with her Facebook friend request!

I opened the friend request email, and it said this:

Shoorpanakha wants to be friends with you on Facebook.

[Thumbnail image of her smiling, super-tanned face]

Shoorpanakha says, “Include a personal message…”.

How sweet. She somehow sent me the default message text that’s supposed to disappear as soon as you click inside the personal message form field.

I wondered, did she send that same message to the other 55 people that we share as friends, or was I special? Was she maintaining our tradition of being vaguely aware of each other while she stayed pretty and I stayed judgmental on the Internet, or did it just work out that way? Sometimes it’s reassuring to know that things don’t change.